Lying and Withholding Info to Prevent Abortion? Yay!

Gotta love Kansas. They're working on a bill to make it okey-dokey for doctors to lie to women seeking abortion and withhold medical information from them.

A Kansas House committee is scheduled to take up a bill Wednesday that would exempt doctors from malpractice suits if they withheld medical information to prevent an abortion. The measure would also take away tax credits for abortion providers, remove tax deductions for the purchase of abortion-related insurance coverage and require women to hear the fetal heartbeat. The bill includes several provisions, which passed in other states and now face federal lawsuits. The bill would also require women be told about potential breast cancer risks from abortions, even though medical experts discount such a connection.

Well, sorry, Kansas, Onion News has gone even further.



In other Onion-related news, the dickwad congressscritter who recently fell for last May's Abortionplex story is a medical doctor!!!!!

And, according to Literally Unbelievable, at the moment the Onion story sucking in the most ijits is
Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable of Rolling Eyes and Texting, to be Euthanized.

Yep, Kulta Warz in the Excited States. You can't tell the wingnutz from the braindead.

Oh. Wait.

Abortionplex: Mega-Meta

The Onion satire on Planned Parenthood's new Abortionplex is developing serious Intertooz 'legs'.

First, bloggers like DJ! picked it up.

Then, things started going meta. A site called Literally Unbelievable was created to collect outraged, humour-impaired Facebook reactions to this and other Onion stories.

Now, it has spawned a Yelp page.

Not being much of a shopper, I hadn't heard of Yelp.

Yelp, Inc. is a company that operates yelp.com, a social networking, user review, and local search web site. Yelp.com has more than 39 million monthly unique visitors as of late 2010.

Talk about black humour.

Here are some samples:

I agree with Waldo W. Without a doubt, I was overwhelmed by the state of the art facility. It's quite awe-inspiring. And while I can appreciate the vision of Cecile Richards, I think she may have missed the mark. Yes, they removed the fetus quickly, yes I recovered by watching Bridesmaids in the cinema, yes I indulged in some post-abortion Dunkin Donuts' Munchkins, but I just felt like a cog in a machine. I miss the authenticity of the old abortion clinics. I know it sounds crazy, but I miss the smell of those sterile waiting rooms. It's sort of a mix of disinfectant, regret and guilt. Now it's too easy or something....I guess I just miss the element of shame and fear. Somehow it made it more exciting.
And those retro waiting room chairs from the 70s! Remember those? So funny to think what those chairs would be worth nowadays. Anyway, all in all it was a great experience, I just suppose I'm just nostalgic.

I thought the Yosemite Sam "You Must Be This Tall to Get an Abortion" sign was hi-larious. It really put my tween at ease.

So excellent! The only way it could be better would be if they offered drive-thru service, but I guess you just can't rush some things. And after we aborted, we adopted the cutest little puppy! We're naming him Fetus.

(The Abortionplex included an adoption centre -- pet adoption.)

And yet, the dunderheadedness continues.

When you’re satirized in The Onion, as Planned Parenthood was yesterday, you’re no longer a sacred cow. That’s very good news for the pro-life movement, since it means that an honest dialogue can begin about whether it is wise or necessary to continue heaping a third of a billion dollars in taxpayer funding on the nation’s biggest purveyor of abortion.

Several commenters try to set this ijit straight. Here's the most succinct one:

This is what we call "missing the point entirely."

What could possibly be next in the life of this story?

How Meta Can This Get?

When I blogged about the reactions to The Onion's story on a new 'abortionplex', I included a link to a blogger who had collected some of the funnier and/or sadder ones.

Now, someone has created a site devoted to whacky Facebook responses to Onion stories, called Literally Unbelievable.

The Intertoobz, as we all know, is a great place to express outrage. And Literally Unbelievable has already in its short life gotten up somebody's nose.

"This "Literally Unbelievable" Tumblr irks me no end," writes Navneet Alang on Twitter. "Elitism masquerading as internet hipsterism."

So how long until someone sets up a Tumblr to record these posts?

Doncha just lurve the Intertoobz?

SHRIEEEEK! Oh. Never mind.

The first tell was the source: the Onion. Next was the dateline: Topeka, Kansas (you remember, same rabidly fetus-fetishist state where Dr. Tiller was assassinated). Next the headline: Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex.

Sane and non-humour-impaired people would have twigged by now. Here's the third paragraph quoting PP's prez, Cecile Richards:

"Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion," said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood's new slogan, "No Life Is Sacred." "And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it's going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day."

Totally typical Onion. Waaaaay over the top. Punching all the ff buttons. 900,000 square feet. 2,000 procedure rooms. Terminating one pregnancy every 3 seconds for a monthly total of 'almost a million'. Shuttle service from area schools.

There's even a floor plan, showing the location of various amenities, including an incinerator 'capable of cremating more than 40 tons of fetuses at a time'.

Given their proclivity to a bit of hyperbole themselves, it was inevitable that the fetus fetishists would fall for it.

Read some of their MASSIVELY OUTRAGED SHRIEEKS here.

The Onion has nothing to fear.

If this is the competition, The Onion still reigns supreme for the best in parody and satirical writing.

The object depicted is a Nipple Tassel t-shirt that, according to its creator,

"... was designed as a response to my own distaste at seeing mini versions of sexy clothes on young children. Five-year-olds wearing slashed mini skirts and boob tubes, little thumb-sucking Britneys.”

It's a modest design, though I'd imagine those tassels would go all gnarly in the dryer.

Gateway Pundit aims for ... sarcasm? Disapproval, yes that's the dominant note and underneath there's a dissonant and off-key attempt to besmirch all non-conservatives parents as godless, perverted and mmm, godless for even thinking that the above is an wry response to fashion that sexualizes toddlers.

And the comments! Don't look for any humour there. Typical tone-deaf shrieeeking.

Organ-ized Socialism!

What is that, depicted above?

1) A spotted dick.

2) A microscopic view of the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) in situ.

3) A greatly magnified view of those bits of Rush Limbaugh that he imagines threatened by the Satanic Scissors of Socialism.


But seriously folks. This latest insanity from a man who couldn't catch a view of his genitalia without a mirror, a flashlight and a block-and-tackle hoist is the convergence of 1) inflammatory lies about health care reform, 2) Birthers' loathsome hallucinations about Obama and 3) the Republicans' deepest fears regarding the loss of their political potency.

Limbaugh: You'll pry my foreskin from my cold, dead hands

If you had to whip up a too-good-to-be-true story for the right-wing pundit class to freak out over, what elements would you include? There would have to be, of course, an element of command-and-control socialist-fascist invasion and regulation of the most private parts of our lives, in the name of some spurious "common good." But that alone is a little pedestrian nowadays, so you'd want to add a nice dollop of male sexual neurosis to really kick it up a notch. Then add just a hint of racial fear and beat to a froth.

From here.

Bonus: It appears that the more rightwing Republicans unintentionally parody themselves, the more material they provide for The Onion to exploit - brilliantly, as always.