Bracing!

Now there's a word I love.

Bracing.

Picture yourself on the bridge of a ship. No, not the Titanic. 

A Canadian Navy frigate. The wind slams you, its icy gusts laden with frozen droplets of fog.

Political humour here at DJ! is caustic, sharp and bracing.

Let my new favourite comic Tony Baker describe another form of *bracing*.

Oui. It's just a different take on the brilliant Molly Ivins' view of how to weaponize humour. In her words:

"There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule — that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful."

Twelve years ago on this day, Fernhill and I gave birth. DAMMIT JANET! sprang forth, as Athena did. What joy and naughty merriment she has brought.

Harry Potter and the cauldron of STIs...

That headline doesn't quite capture all the cheekiness, humour, irreverence and tongue-twisting (at times!) facts overload (but in a GOOD way) of an Insight Theatre *show*.  

You must attend one to get their infectious (ouch!) jokes and insightful moments.  I won't give away any punchlines; suffice to say JK Rowling's penchant for quirky names is amply explored in the naughty bits... err, skits about Sexually Transmitted Infections.  Hilarious, inspired and clever! 

The lively and talented writers/performers are adolescents who work with Planned Parenthood Ottawa staff to produce this amusing and informative show.

Last evening I spoke with Catherine Macnab and Lauren Dobson-Hughes who are respectively director and board president.  Insight Theatre is a gem in a crown of multi-faceted education and community outreach programs. We spoke about advocacy, the challenges of reproductive justice issues, pro-choice and The March for Lies, since the event is one that DJ! mines shamelessly for its unintended humour.  

Since hundreds and hundreds of Catholic Schools students who are bussed to Ottawa for the March wander about downtown Ottawa afterwards, volunteers wearing PPO shirts show up to give out information packets with its own PPO branded condoms in the ByWard Market, on Elgin Street and around Parliament Hill. 

The range of programs offered by PPO can be found here.

Unfortunately there are no videos posted yet from this year's repertoire, but here's a golden oldie from 2013:

To book a performance: all the information.

Victorian C36, sex work and the CPC god-and-pony show

If last week's opportunistic display by the Harper government Con MPs at the special Justice Committee's hearings about C36 wasn't enough, today's rightwing fundamentalist religious histrionic zealotry given voice by CPC useful idiot Bob "Douchert" Dechert amply illustrates Poe's Law.

The collective CPC and its individual MPs' squalid, Christian Taliban-like beliefs about sexwork are deeply gynophobic, cruel and oppressive as well as redolent of 19th century England hypocrisy.  Not only is Bill C36 unlikely to survive a Supreme Court of Canada challenge, it expresses the worst of Harper Cons base support's most vile attitudes towards women as victims, and sex as inherently evil unless redeemed by holy marriage.

It brings to mind this sexist joke, an artefact of 1950s assumptions, that first-year law students may still hear from a creaky member of the Old White Boys' Club:

Having been propositioned by a well defined and uptown prostitute one evening, a successful single gentleman agreed to have consensual sex with the young lady for the sum of $500.00. After the evening ended the gentleman handed the young lady $250.00. The prostitute immediately demanded the balance and threatened to sue if she didn't get it. "That's a laugh!" the man stated, "I'd like to see you try." A few days later the man was surprised to receive a summons ordering him to appear in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. The man hurried to his lawyer's office and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how she presents her case." After the usual preliminaries, the parties appeared in court ready for trial.

The prostitute's lawyer addressed the court first, "Your Honor, my client, this lady here, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specific length of time for the sum of $500.00. The defendant obtained exclusive possession of the property, using it extensively for the purpose for which it was rented. However, upon evacuating the premises, he paid only one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive since it is restricted and exclusive property and we ask that judgment be granted for plaintiff and against defendant in the amount of $250.00.

The defendant's lawyer, thrown back by what he had just heard, pondered the opening remarks for a moment and stood to present his off-the-cuff version of the case, "Your Honor, my client agrees that the young lady has a fine piece of property, and that he rented such property for a period of time, and that he even derived a degree of pleasure from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property upon which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump. All equipment belonging to my client and all labor being performed by him. We allege that these improvements to the property were sufficient to effect an offset of the unpaid portion of rent and further allege that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the fair market rental value of such property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted for plaintiff and that the defendant be awarded his attorney's fees and costs incurred in the defense of this frivolous action."

The prostitute's lawyer replied, "If it pleases the court your Honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on the property, and that he made the improvements to the property as alleged. However, had the defendant not known the well existed, he would have never rented the property. Furthermore, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged his equipment through the well-manicured shrubbery, but left the well with a hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to small children, thereby creating a possible danger to the health and general welfare of the public. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted as requested in the complaint.

Judgment for the plaintiff in the amount of $250.00!

Imagine it being told by the chortling, snorting, oinking CPC MP Robert Goguen, whilst MP Joy Smith supplies demure gasps in the background.

If you want to hear a *good* joke, read this brilliant parody of the slut-shaming "Rescue Rhetoric".

Abortion? What a Riot!!!

Bloggers rejoice! What could possibly go wrong with the RAPEublicans' plan to make abortion funny.

“How do you make abortion funny?” That was a key question mulled at a major conservative gathering Friday on how to make social conservatism appealing to young people, after an election where Republicans got trounced in the battle for millennial voters (who are are moving even further and further away from the Christian-right on marriage and other issues).

Abortion has to be made funny, the thinking goes, because funny sells on social media, and that’s where one goes to court young people. “You can engage with sarcasm, it’s hard with the abortion issue, but you have to,” said Students for Life president Kristan Hawkins at a breakout panel at the Faith and Freedom Coalition Conference in Washington today on how to win millennial voters. “Unfortunately we have to, because this is the generation that we’ve been dealt.”

If there's one thing conservatives cannot do, it's humour. And, as we know, the fetus fetishists among them are the most humour-impaired.

This is gonna be a gas. And not in the way they intend.

Easter and fecundity, Easter and chocolate

My favourite Easter joke — which I told countless times as an adolescent because there was bound to be someone among family members and Francophone community who would take offense — was this one.

Jesus has been nailed to the cross, he's weakened by his ordeal and his disciples gather below him.  Peter notices him staring, struggling to say some words.  Resources are marshaled by the small group to get Peter up near Jesus so his last words can be heard. 

(Elaborate details on the maneuvers and acrobatics required to do so.) 

Finally Peter is propped up to a level where he can hear what Jesus is whispering: "Look Peter, we can see your house from up here."

Location, location, location. Ba-da-bing!



But seriously folks, it's become a tradition for me to allude to chocolate, as well as the pagan origins of Easter.  Check these inks to past posts about "spring spheres", and eclectic paschalaphilia.

Feast upon this splendid article about cocoa: its history as well as current current ethical and cultivation challenges.

Conveniently, cacao is already a hybrid by nature. “If one cacao plant is compatible with another, they will mate,” Adler says. “Cacao is a slut. A cacao pod can even have more than one varietal strain inside of it. It can be pollinated multiple times.”

There are more than 14,000 known varieties of cocoa beans around the world, the two most prominent being “Criollo,” which originated in South America and traveled to Mesoamerica, and “Forastero,” a native of the Amazon rain forest basin. As soon as they met, these two got it on, creating “Trinitario,” named after the island of Trinidad where their union was discovered.

"Cacao is a slut"... perfect, since it's a legal drug that stimulates production of endorphins and seratonin, those brain-happy substances.

While casting about the weird world web, using search terms for chocolate and also Claire Brétecher, I came upon an illustration of hers for a book of bandes dessinées, a fable about endangered species, over-breeding and extinction ...

What is the Occidental Bolot? A small mammal closely related to the dog with a rampant libido that makes it hump anything that moves, its fertility rate is decreasing.  Females now only produce a litter of 20 to 30 piglets.  Before the rise of CO2 emissions, they would typically birth 50.  This deplorable situation has incited the Bolot to seek refuge in a beautiful reserve dedicated to endangered animals...

Mmm.  Sounds amusing.

The antidote to Ann Coulter.

How can anyone, even with semi-functional brain cells, not see this is delightful, absolutely wicked lampooning?

Trisha Paytas is a multi-faceted performer who writes her own material.  She clearly taps a different vein of diehard rightwing nutjob Republican zealotry that Stephen Colbert so joyfully exploits.

Just as Tina Fey spoofed Sarah Palin, Paytas channels Tea Party Hatriot Victoria Jackson and adds her own mischievous vibe.

If the organizers of this event wanted to boost their message and their sponsors' profiles, they would invite this young marketing genius to attend, as a surprise motivational speaker.

Rape Jokes: Feminists have no sense of humour, redux

More and more comedians are coming out of the woodwork to defend their colleague Daniel Tosh for his defense of rape jokes. For those of you who missed the controversy, a woman who saw Tosh at the Laugh Factory reported that the comedian made “some very generalizing, declarative statements about rape jokes always being funny, how can a rape joke not be funny, rape is hilarious, etc.”

She yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!” So, Tosh responded by saying, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…?”

From here.

The media reports regarding Jerry Sandusky sexually assaulting boys at Penn State would have been *hilarious* if not for all those kill-joy feminists who don't get the point of rape jokes, right?

Here's a powerful account from one Sports Illustrated reporter who gets it.

Tarsands rap with *ethically oily* puppets.

Awesome, full of awesome gravy for the WIN!

Really, we have all the brilliant, funny folks on our side.

ADDED: Unsurprisingly enough, it appears E-Z rant doesn't have a sense of humour, choosing to attack The Tyee for its delightful production.

The mystery has been solved.

Answer to the often asked question: Why are there so many cat pictures on the Internet?

From Twitter.

Capricious and cartoonish beauty.

Progressive Blogger Mark Rayner directs us, via The Skwib, to a visually disturbing website that features a series of pictures such as the one above.

The specimen chosen for display is actually one that works as a semi-plausible example of a type of female pulchritude that in France is valued and thus called 'une belle laide'.

Here's the gimmick. All the pictures displayed are glamour shots, photographs of *Hollywood* stars and/or TV celebrities that have been altered. For each and every photoshopped pic, a specially cropped selection of Steve Buscemi's exophthalmic eyes, framed by his own sparse and craggy brows, has replaced the subject's own.

The cognitive jangle, which typically provokes discomfort and a WTF? reaction, reminds me of the viral response to the Têtes à claques animated characters created by Michel Beaudet.

Here is the classic Hallowe'en sketch, and my favourite:

Nativity: Now Tweeted!

And also plus: Facebooked, YouTubed, Googled, etc. etc.



Not sure what Blob Blogging Wingnut would think of this. SHE attempts to master and exploit all internet traditions and gadgetry for HER cause, but the mess which is HER blogsite, chocka-block with fetal pr0n makes one wonder.

At any rate, SHE wouldn't agree with the glurge-y message at the end of the YouTube posted; from HER perspective, the catholic church should maintain its medieval control over women's sexuality and procreative potential.

Times change but the Vatican Taliban's ideology remains the same.

Meanwhile, in Montréal three cheeky humourists observed the season with a spectacle they concocted: Kosher jokes for the Halaladays. Three witty young women - one moslem, two jewish - Eman, Robby Hoffman et Jessica Salomon celebrated the delicious shared wisdom that comes from belonging to communities that don't get and don't want Xmas festivities - religious or not.

More here.

“Please leave your message at the gunshot.”

John Callahan, a sharp cartoonist whose life experiences with alcoholism and quadraplegia translated into irreverent and witty vignettes of political incorrectitude that were published in hundreds of newspapers and magazines, died last week.

Caustic humour was his extreme sport of choice.

Like his friend Gary Larson, the creator of “The Far Side,” Mr. Callahan made drawings with a gleeful appreciation of the macabre he found in everyday life. He was, however, a man who lived his life with disadvantages, some of them self-wrought, and he viewed the world through a dark and wicked lens.

“This is John, I’m a little too depressed to take your call today,” the message on his answering machine said. “Please leave your message at the gunshot.”

Bemused by the culture of confession and self-help fostered by the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Geraldo Rivera, he was uninclined in his work to be outwardly sympathetic to the afflicted or to respect the boundaries of racial and ethnic stereotyping, and his cartoons were often polarizing: some people found them outrageously funny, others outrageously offensive.

From here.



His outlaw, outsider and out-of-bounds view of the world was pure Bouffon artistry.

Some things about Sarah are stranger than fiction.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Or not. Your choice.



A longer YouTube, with a collage of various US humourists observations edited together, can be found here.

Waiting period.

Updated to provide context: Arizona state legislature passed last October a series of measures restricting access to abortions.

New Law Requires Women To Name Baby, Paint Nursery Before Getting Abortion

Remember our blogposts about obligatory ultra-sounds in the state of Oklahama for women who had consulted a physician regarding the possibility of terminating a pregnancy?

Consider the following:

If you've been paying attention to the erosion of reproductive rights over the last several years, it's the kind of headline that makes you think, "Man I hope that's from The Onion" for a split second before it sinks in that of course it is. For now. Riffing on state laws that require clinics to perform ultrasounds on pregnant women before an abortion, The Onion News Network offers a brilliant satire of anti-choice arguments in favor of assuming women who want to terminate a pregnancy are ignorant or delusional. They're just giving women "all the information they need to be sure they're making the right decision," of course - certainly not making unreasonable demands or using inflammatory language to manipulate emotions or anything.

It's all humour and lampoonry until someone loses a kidney.

Remember Rod Bruinooge? If he and that other ReformaTory MP Vellacott ever join forces on a gynophobic crusade to stop women from exercising reproductive choices, it will get right ugly.

Triumph of the Shill: a tactical mash-up

Harper's unelected shadow minister* of political strategy Tom Flanagan is rumoured to be looking for a young, impressionable film-maker who will record Stephen Harper's considerable achievements.

Stephen Taylor was heard whining that, while he lacked the necessary expertise to be a successful candidate for the position, his total personal dedication to the awesome Harper should be the one and only qualification required.

Mesmerized by Harper's talent as a public speaker in both official languages, Taylor described the experience thus: "I had an almost apocalyptic vision that I was never able to forget. It seemed as if the earth's surface were spreading out in front of me, like a hemisphere that suddenly splits apart in the middle, spewing out an enormous jet of water, so powerful that it touched the sky and shook the earth." Taylor added: "To me, Harper is the greatest man who ever lived. He truly is without fault, so simple and at the same time possessed of masculine strength."

A draft Taylor wrote in anticipation of Harper's electoral success in winning a majority of Con seats was not published. Here is an excerpt: "With indescribable joy, deeply moved and filled with burning gratitude, we share with you, our leader, your and Canada's greatest victory. You exceed anything human imagination has the power to conceive, achieving deeds without parallel in the history of mankind. How can we ever thank you?"

Acquaintances of Taylor claim that he has an autographed copy of each of the 99 framed photographs of Harper that are currently hanging on the walls of the House of Commons.

*In that position, Flanagan adapted the "Big Lie" technique of propaganda, which is based on the principle that a lie, if audacious enough and repeated enough times, will be believed by the masses.



Note to the humour-challenged: the above lampooning is a satirical demonstration of Godwin's Law. However, it's daunting to note that elements of this spoof come uncomfortably close to reality.

A poem, by deBeauxOs

fern hill blogged with trepidation

about her fruit flies infestation.

Which gives me total and complete license to note the death of a very non-celebrity famous person: Henry Gibson, the tiny perfect poet from Laugh-In.

In the show's famous cocktail party scenes, when the music would stop and each cast member would deliver a funny line, Gibson was a religious figure holding a teacup and saucer.

"My congregation supports all denominations," he said on one show, "but our favorites are twenties and fifties."

Good night, Henry.

The Onion has nothing to fear.

If this is the competition, The Onion still reigns supreme for the best in parody and satirical writing.

The object depicted is a Nipple Tassel t-shirt that, according to its creator,

"... was designed as a response to my own distaste at seeing mini versions of sexy clothes on young children. Five-year-olds wearing slashed mini skirts and boob tubes, little thumb-sucking Britneys.”

It's a modest design, though I'd imagine those tassels would go all gnarly in the dryer.

Gateway Pundit aims for ... sarcasm? Disapproval, yes that's the dominant note and underneath there's a dissonant and off-key attempt to besmirch all non-conservatives parents as godless, perverted and mmm, godless for even thinking that the above is an wry response to fashion that sexualizes toddlers.

And the comments! Don't look for any humour there. Typical tone-deaf shrieeeking.

Jon Stewart - the "lefty" that rightwingers hate to love?

In a US cultural and political environment where the level of acrimony rises steadily and discourse has the substance of a chorus of jack-hammers, Jon Stewart's show - on Comedy Central yet! - offers a gentle oasis for minds parched by the blistering hatred that radiates from Fox News and its imitators. From here

... Stewart seems to like hosting conservatives ... In recent weeks, Mike Huckabee, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Kristol have stopped by. Since the beginning of the Obama administration, Stewart has interviewed more conservative pundits than liberal ones. (Remember when fans fretted he'd have trouble finding ways to be funny under the new president?) It may be because it's simply easier to tangle with an ideological adversary than to needle a compatriot. A clash of ideas is always more entertaining than an echo chamber. And, for a liberal wit like Stewart, it's easier to stake out a clear position when facing off against a direct opponent. ...

Conservatives like Stewart because he's providing them a platform to reach an audience that usually tunes them out. And they often find that Stewart takes them more seriously than right-wing political hosts, who are often just using them to validate their broad positions, do. Stewart will poke fun, but he offers a good-faith debate on powder kegs — torture, abortion, nuclear weapons, health care — that explode on other networks. "Shepard Smith did the same discussion [on torture]," says May. "He kept yelling me at me: 'This is where I get off the bus! Not in my name!' He wasn't arguing with me. It was just assertions and anger. That's not what Jon deals in."

To be sure, Stewart wants to outsmart and discombobulate his conservative guests. He loves catching them in inconsistencies. "I feel like you just trapped me," a grinning Kristol told Stewart, after Kristol conceded that the government provides "first-rate" health care to American soldiers. "I just want to get this on the record," said Stewart. "You just said ... the government can run a first-class health-care system."

At The Raw Story, Stephen C. Webster observes on the New Yorker magazine story:

... an exceptionally interesting look at the man who is quickly becoming, in this writer's humble opinion, this generation's Mark Twain and easily the most important iconoclast on cable. The man who won Time magazine's "most trusted newscaster" poll appears to have a little trick up his sleeve when it comes to seducing prominent Neoconservatives onto his program: Intellectual curiosity. And they "love" him for it. Who'd-a known?

Not everyone admires him or enjoys watching Stewart stick-handle his guests with finesse rather than slamming them on the boards. Says Andrew Sullivan:

Several of my friends argue that Stewart is toothless, but I think his deference is what sets him apart - both in civility and effectiveness.

RIP-OUT ARTIST

It was intoxicating, addictive even, to stumble upon a completely unsanctioned creative activity that could be practised publicly, especially in an airport.

It all started when I was tempted by a glossy magazine, the April issue of Vanity Fair to be more precise. As I walked past the variety kiosk, its cover caught my attention – Three Female Comics done up as neo-classic contemporary (a)Muse(r)s – what’s not to like? I purchased the VF then lugged its heavy load to my boarding gate. I was suddenly inspired, by Tina et al, to lighten up.

I started flipping through the first pages of the publication. Advertisements for Ralph Lauren, Chanel, Estée Lauder, Prada, Clinique, Armani, Hugo Boss – those heavyweights of the luxe consumer food chain. More flipping. I’m looking for the content page. Flip. Flip. Flip, flipflipflipflip fer fucksake! At page number 51 I hit what I want and what I need: the table of content. I am furious.

Flipping through all this advertisement was a tedious and wasteful use of my time. Then a small thought wiggled its way into my consciousness. What if I ripped out every single non editorial content page? What if I only kept what I wanted to see, and read and tossed the rest in the recycling bin?

I started ripping. Rip, rip, rip. Some of those damn pages were quite thick. I discovered about midway that the editors snuck text that I wanted to read on the reverse side of adverts. I left those in.

Nonetheless, by the time that I had rigorously removed all the publicity, the magazine was surely 50% lighter. Less paper to travel with me across the country! Less stuff to look at!

I examined the pages that I ripped out. Heavy stock, dense with glossy colours. I wondered what the cost of each of these could be, if one factored in the photographer and her/his entourage, the model, the set and all other production expense including the print job.

No surprise that these baubles and various odds and sods of disposable trinkets, perfumes, accessories and such command a hefty price – and yet are manufactured in China, just like the low-rent consumer crap is.