Sunday, 31 March 2013

Easter and fecundity, Easter and chocolate

My favourite Easter joke — which I told countless times as an adolescent because there was bound to be someone among family members and Francophone community who would take offense — was this one.

Jesus has been nailed to the cross, he's weakened by his ordeal and his disciples gather below him.  Peter notices him staring, struggling to say some words.  Resources are marshaled by the small group to get Peter up near Jesus so his last words can be heard. 

(Elaborate details on the maneuvers and acrobatics required to do so.) 

Finally Peter is propped up to a level where he can hear what Jesus is whispering: "Look Peter, we can see your house from up here."

Location, location, location. Ba-da-bing!

But seriously folks, it's become a tradition for me to allude to chocolate, as well as the pagan origins of Easter.  Check these inks to past posts about "spring spheres", and eclectic paschalaphilia.

Feast upon this splendid article about cocoa: its history as well as current current ethical and cultivation challenges.
Conveniently, cacao is already a hybrid by nature. “If one cacao plant is compatible with another, they will mate,” Adler says. “Cacao is a slut. A cacao pod can even have more than one varietal strain inside of it. It can be pollinated multiple times.”

There are more than 14,000 known varieties of cocoa beans around the world, the two most prominent being “Criollo,” which originated in South America and traveled to Mesoamerica, and “Forastero,” a native of the Amazon rain forest basin. As soon as they met, these two got it on, creating “Trinitario,” named after the island of Trinidad where their union was discovered.
"Cacao is a slut"... perfect, since it's a legal drug that stimulates production of endorphins and seratonin, those brain-happy substances.

While casting about the weird world web, using search terms for chocolate and also Claire Brétecher, I came upon an illustration of hers for a book of bandes dessinées, a fable about endangered species, over-breeding and extinction ...

What is the Occidental Bolot? A small mammal closely related to the dog with a rampant libido that makes it hump anything that moves, its fertility rate is decreasing.  Females now only produce a litter of 20 to 30 piglets.  Before the rise of CO2 emissions, they would typically birth 50.  This deplorable situation has incited the Bolot to seek refuge in a beautiful reserve dedicated to endangered animals...

Mmm.  Sounds amusing.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I have to go with the Classics:

Monty Python

deBeauxOs said...


Thank you! I love that performance of *Always Look on the Bright Side*...

opit said...

"Before the rise of CO2 emissions, they would typically birth 50." WTF How about before GM seeds or rampant use of pesticides ? Any supposed connection of birthrate to co2 rise is something I have never noted before.

deBeauxOs said...

It's a satirical piece.

Claire Brétecher is a political cartoonist. The Occidental bolot does not actually exist.

Sixth Estate said...

I wish you'd told me that BEFORE I booked my ticket to France to visit the bolot reserve.

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