Spring Has Sprung

As regular readers may have noted, I really really really hate shopping.

And so the season changes, people start scrabbling around in closets and drawers to find something appropriate to wear.

Well, after my eviction and return -- two moves within nine months -- I developed a savage ruthlessness about stuff.

It appears that savagery and material aging have conspired to result in my whine to Sweetie: 'I hate all my clothes'. (Sweetie winced and backed slowly out of the room.)

Old fave shirts are too ratty -- even for me -- to wear. Mysterious stains in inconvenient places have appeared. And so on.

I gotta go shopping. (Look at opening line again.)

Time was, when I was younger and the world was saner, I'd grit teeth and venture into some store where I'd struck lucky before. Find something I could afford in the size that had worked before and -- deep breath -- hit the changing rooms.

Because if there's one retail experience worse than shopping, it is returning something.

It started in the 80s. There was a brand of workplace-acceptable pants that fit me well enough. I took a size 6. Went back sometime later and size 6 was enormous. Tried a 4. Still roomy but OK. Weird, I thought, I'm not shrinking. . .

Next time, went for the 4. Too big. Tried a 2. Fit OK. Moi: What's next? Zero?

Yup. Welcome to vanity sizing.

The theory is that as our shapes or weights change, women don't like to admit it, so designers accommodate our 'vanity' by making sizes larger.

It has been studied:

In one of Kinley’s studies, researchers measured 1,000 pairs of women’s pants and found as much as an 8½-inch variation in the size-4 waist.

Every woman knows this.

But now matters are more dire. I haven't bought clothes for so long, I have no idea where to start. Plus, my body has changed. I'm pretty sure I'm not a 2 anymore.

The S-M-L (and now XL and XXL) system used to work for casual clothes. I took S, but then the cuts got skimpy (you do not want to look at my belly) so I went up to M. And rolled the sleeves up about 5 turns.

Of course, you've cottoned on to what I'm doing here. There's a note in my agenda for Monday past. CLOTHES! Today is Friday and if I fuck around long enough with this blogpost and the innertoobz -- oh, gee, look at the time!

Or as Sweetie and I -- both freelancers -- put it: 'I'm in the procrastination stage of the project.'

And just now -- TELEPHONIC SERENDIPITY! Sweetie is in the nabe is and going to drop in for a cup of tea.

Yay!

The comments are open for companionable bitching. Or suggestions.

Attention Shoppers!

I really, really hate shopping, especially -- of course -- at this time of year.

But much as I really, really hate shopping, I've figured a few things out about it.

Like, before you're allowed to leave the store with your purchases, there's a little transaction to be done. Usually involving a wallet, cash or a card. Or two cards if you're an idiot who's agreed to be commercially stalked by corporations.

So WHY THE FUCK do I always get behind the cement-head who waits until the clerk is looking at her -- and it's usually a her -- expectantly to start rummaging around in purse?

Rummage, rummage, rummage.

Oh, there's the wallet.

Now, peruse, peruse, peruse, which card will I use?

Hand over card, transaction proceeds. Until clerk asks: 'Have you agreed to be commercially stalked by corporations?'

Oh. Yes. Peruse, peruse, peruse.

Second card gets handed over.

I vibrate with impatience. And regular readers here can imagine how hard I bite down on my tongue.

Attention shoppers! Please learn this lesson: Purchasing. Requires. Cash. And. Or. Card(s).

Always.

Think you can remember that?

Good.

News flash: shopaholism caused by hormonal insufficiency.

Yawn.

From the department of pointless research projects:

Women may be able to blame impulse buys and extravagant shopping on their time of the month, research suggests.

In the 10 days before their periods began women were more likely to go on a spending spree, a study found.

Psychologists believe shopping could be a way for premenstrual women to deal with the negative emotions created by their hormonal changes.

First off - aren't those three sentences basically rephrasing and recycling the same basic information - women are more likely to shop impulsively before their menstrual period starts? That BBC pseudo-news item - illustrated with a photograph of one of the "Sex and the City" gals is found in the health - yes, health section.

The scientific word for shopaholism is oniomania.

Only in the past twenty years has specific and persistent inquiry into the disorder occurred. Although the study of compulsive buying is still in its infancy compared with some of its psychological siblings—alcoholism, eating disorders or drug abuse — there is more and more evidence that it poses a serious and worsening problem, one with significant emotional, social, occupational, and financial consequences. As many as 8.9 percent of the American population may be full-fledged compulsive buyers. (Ridgway, et al., 2008), and the problem is fast becoming a global one.

Oh - so all human beings, including men, are susceptible to this disorder? But some reproductive-age women are more vulnerable at certain times of their hormonal cycle. That would only account for a tiny percentage of impulse buys.

What is the likelihood that research will be conducted to account for the hormonal and biological reasons men make very expensive purchases? About the same time that sentences like these:

Most of the purchases made by the women were for adornment, including jewellery, make-up and high heels. Professor Pine said: "Other researchers have found there is an ornamental effect around the time of ovulation."

no longer appear in supposedly serious news outlets. Now give me that fair-trade dark chocolate bar and nobody gets hurt.