Attention Shoppers!

I really, really hate shopping, especially -- of course -- at this time of year.

But much as I really, really hate shopping, I've figured a few things out about it.

Like, before you're allowed to leave the store with your purchases, there's a little transaction to be done. Usually involving a wallet, cash or a card. Or two cards if you're an idiot who's agreed to be commercially stalked by corporations.

So WHY THE FUCK do I always get behind the cement-head who waits until the clerk is looking at her -- and it's usually a her -- expectantly to start rummaging around in purse?

Rummage, rummage, rummage.

Oh, there's the wallet.

Now, peruse, peruse, peruse, which card will I use?

Hand over card, transaction proceeds. Until clerk asks: 'Have you agreed to be commercially stalked by corporations?'

Oh. Yes. Peruse, peruse, peruse.

Second card gets handed over.

I vibrate with impatience. And regular readers here can imagine how hard I bite down on my tongue.

Attention shoppers! Please learn this lesson: Purchasing. Requires. Cash. And. Or. Card(s).

Always.

Think you can remember that?

Good.