Numbered Troll Snarks

*Grumble. Why hasn't someone done a wiki of old jokes?*

Old joke: Guy goes to the Comedians' Convention. Various comedians get up and instead of telling jokes, use numbers, e.g.,'Number 345!' Some laughs at most. But uproarious hahahaha for one. Guy turns to comedian beside him: 'That was just another number. Wassup with that reaction?' Comedian says: 'It was the way she told it.'

There was another #occupytoronto event today, so of course, on Twitter, the bitter and twisted trolls trotted out all the old attempted snarks/snipes.

I suggested they take a page out of the comedians' convention and use numbers for Twitter brevity.

I helpfully started a list for #NumberedTrollSnarks. Twitter being what it is (and me being somewhat sloppy with hashtags), I have compiled a handy list here.

1. Get a job.

2. They're all dirty hippies.

2a. They're all spoiled rich kids.

2b. They're all paid union thugs.

3. They're all foreign/bussed in. (This one is well loved by despots the world over.)

4. The numbers are wildly inflated. (Also popular with above.)

5. It's the weekend, dummies. No one is there.

6. Boring!

7. It's a huge waste of taxpayer money and/or police resources.

8. They all have Iphones (computers etc.) and there is some kinda logical thingy here about protesting companies that make Iphones etc. that I just can't quite get, but wassup with that?

9. They should all move to Cuba/North Korea.

10. ALL-PURPOSE SNARK: You kids, get offa my lawn!

Now, I really don't expect the actual trolls to use these, but I've been amusing myself by replying with the number or numbers they've used.

Seems to piss them off.

Works for me.

The One Demand

This is from August 10, 2011. (Sorry for shitty quality.)



I had never heard of Dylan Ratigan, but he's got cred.

Ratigan won the Gerald Loeb Award for 2004 coverage of the Enron scandal.

In Ratigan's final CNBC broadcast from the floor of the NYSE he reported on what he called "an important story developing" that Goldman Sachs and "a variety of European banks," in his assessment and that of his guests, essentially "perpetrated securities fraud" and an "insurance fraud scam" against AIG — and, by extension, the government and taxpayers funding that insurance company's "bailout" — by insuring their questionable investment vehicles and, upon their devaluation, making claims on them to be paid by AIG "at 100 cents on the dollar" despite all of the markdowns "being forced upon every other" entity including the government, banks, shareholders, bond holders, taxpayers and homeowners.

"I think that it should be a bigger political issue than whether somebody bought an airplane ... Forget the private jets, forget who got a million dollar bonus. Fifty billion dollars," he said, minimizing what he saw as populist side issues to "the real question" of how "government policy makers" are to deal with the "problems of contract law" inherent in the agreements of businesses receiving government assistance during the financial crisis.

"The banks are being asked to take 'haircuts' on their toxic assets, why are the Goldmans and the Deutsche Banks of the world not being asked to take haircuts on their toxic credit default swaps? It's a real question. I will continue to pursue it for sure, I hope others will as well." Ratigan praised New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo's subpoena of AIG to determine the bank payouts as "legitimate inquiry" and looked forward to "a body of lawmakers in Washington D.C. who are going to ask, it appears, some of the same questions that I'm asking."

Canada may not be quite as corrupt as the US, but thanks to King Stevie and the Contempt Party of Canada, we're heading that way at a furious pace.

h/t SherryBGood.

ADDED: Once the Contempt Party rams through its regressive new legislation, it will prorogue again until 2012. Then 'just watch them'.

Defend Against Defunding

Torontonians: As you are planning your various rallies, marches, and occupations for this weekend, remember Campaign Life Coalition's Defund Abortion Bunfest this Saturday at Queen's Park.

Of course, there's a counter rally planned.

Start: Oct 22 2011 - 1:00pm
End: Oct 22 2011 - 3:00pm
Location: North-east corner of College St. and University Avenue Toronto, ON, Canada

Organized by the Ontario Coalition for Abortion and the Abortion Rights Coalition of Canada.

Never forget: Canadian fetus fetishists are slavering to instigate a War on Women just like the Rethuglicans in the US.

In a heartbeat.

Maybe one of the forays from the Occupy Toronto base camp could mosey up University Avenue at some point between 1 and 3. Just a suggestion. . .

Suits for Bay Street

Clever idea.

On October 15, our crack team of well dressed artists, designers, and wardrobers will deliver racks and racks of business attire, free of charge to anyone at Liberty Square. We'll be joined by progressive tailors, radical barbers, and folks who want everyone to look great.

The way you say it matters as much as what you say. So say it in style. Say it in a suit.

What We Need and What You Get

You can help us realize this vision with your donations. Twenty dollars will put a protester in a crisp thrift store suit.

Or mail us a nice suit you're not using anymore. It’s free if you mail it from work. Here's our address:

Proper Business Attire Working Group
C/O The House of Yes
342 Maujer Street
Brooklyn, NY
11206

Extra suits and late deliveries will be donated to Threads for Success, an innovative New York City program that dresses young people in the justice system for court appearances and job interviews.

Let's get organized.

Look sharp. The whole world is watching.

Other Ways You Can Help

Post our campaign to anyone who needs to see it.

And straighten your tie.

Somebody should set something like this up for #occupytoronto.