Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Open Thread: Fave Jokes

I'm feeling gloomy on a buncha fronts.

So. . . Fave Joke Thread.

I got two:

1. The first joke I ever got. I was about 7. It's sexist and racist and nine other kinds of bad.

Cop stops a woman driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop asks: 'Lady, didn't you see the arrows?

Woman: 'What arrows? I didn't even see the Indians.'

2. Two little boys find a five-dollar bill on the street. One of them goes off into sugar-fuelled fantasies -- how many candy bars, how many ice-cream cones. The other says: 'No. What we should get is a box of Tampax.'

'Huh?'

Tampax boy: 'Then we can go swimming, horseback-riding, surfing. . . '

Over to you. Fave jokes, the cornier and hoarier the better.

10 comments:

Beijing York said...

I am trying hard to remember the sick sexist joke my dad taught me to tell at dinner parties.

Orwell's Bastard said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6foBXfiJsyY

JJ said...

I'll play.

A young couple gets married. They head up to the bridal suite for their wedding night, very anxious and excited because they've been saving it for the wedding night and it will be the first time they've ever seen each other's bodies (let alone do the wild thing).

They start to undress.

He takes off his socks, and his wife immediately notices that his toes are grotesquely disfigured. "What's up with your toes?" she asks. "I've got Toelio", he replies. "Toelio? You mean Polio?" she asks. "No, TOElio", he says. "Whatever," she says, and resumes watching with fascination as he continues to disrobe.

Soon he is standing before her wearing nothing but boxers. Her eyes wander down his physique... and stop at his knees, which are covered with an ugly red rash of hives and pustules. "What's wrong with your knees?" she asks. "I've got kneesles", he replies. "You mean measles?" she asks. "No," he says, "KNEEsles."

Then he pulls off his boxers and stands before his wife, who exclaims:









"Aw, man, that's the worst case of smallcox I've ever seen!!!"

Beijing York said...

^^^ LOL!

deBeauxOs said...

Well done JJ! LOL!

Bruce said...

Oh, JJ!

Ok, first Gay joke I ever heard, told to me by a friend who was total hottie who through my teens I was never sure if he was coming on to me. I was too closeted to find out.

What happens when you leave two gay men alone with each other in a room?


They redecorate.

Bada boom!

(I've actually done that)

Connie said...

File this under the "Fake Lake" irony category:

"It has been said that the Liberals spend money like drunken sailors. That is not really fair because drunken sailors spend THEIR OWN money." - Stephen Harper, 2002

fern hill said...

Hiya, Connie, nice to see your pixels here.

Harper has said a lot of shit that's come back to bite him, hasn't he?

k'in said...

-What do you call a violent calamari?

Squid Vicious

-Why did Ms. Mushroom break up with Mr. Zucchini?

He just wasn't a fun-ghi

Beijing York said...

:-) k'in

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