Thursday, 21 January 2010

Male chastity belt?

Did Glenn Beck just page DAMMIT JANET! to the courtesy phone?


Here at DJ! we have an
ideological position about male chastity belts and it seems strange to contemplate that on this one point we may be in agreement with Beck. Was that the sound of hell freezing over, just now?

Our perpective on the above apparatus is simple and it was shaped by the Bush/Cheney administration's bias in funding sex education in schools.

The problem with Abstinence programs currently in vogue in the US and some parts of Canada is that they just don’t go far enough. As every religious zealot proclaims in their own defense, boys will boys, men will be men; it’s simply NOT THEIR FAULT they can’t seem to keep their ‘primitive animal’ urges under control and their willies inside their pants.

This manifests itself in the doctrine of strict Catholicism, Orthodox Judaism and Islam and their clumsy attempts to protect men from temptation and sin (aka women). As evident in thousands of years of self-justification from men accused of rape, sexual assault and incest, they say they just can’t stop themselves. And one of the unfortunate side-effects of unleashed male sexuality is female pregnancy. Not to mention the profligate spilling of man-seed. Won’t somebody please think of all the wasted semen?

Thus the time has come for the male chastity belt.

Now contrast and compare if you will, the current situation with regard to a newly elected Republican senator.

Supporters of Senator-elect Scott Brown winced as he offered up one of his daughters as "available" in his victory speech Tuesday night.

On Wednesday, Glenn Beck took to his radio program to sharply criticize Brown's remarks. The controversial host suggested that Brown needed to be "monitored" [...]

"I want a chastity belt on this man," Beck said. [...] Later on in the segment, Beck added, "I'm just sayin', congratulations, now let's monitor him, let's put an ankle bracelet on him, let's know where he is at all times."

During his victory speech Tuesday night, Sen.-elect Scott Brown introduced his daughters, Ayla and Arianna, to the world, thanking them for their help in the campaign. "And just in case anybody who's watching across the country, yes they're both available," he said.

As a mixed chorus of laughter and boos roared up, Brown said: "No, no, no. Oo. Only kidding. Only kidding. ... Arianna is definitely not available, but Ayla is." [...]

This isn't the first time Beck has expressed reservations about Brown. In a column he wrote for Fox News on Tuesday, he said: "I don't trust Scott Brown yet. Americans don't know him. He posed naked in Cosmopolitan magazine back in 1982. I mean — really? I question the judgment of man who thinks anyone wants to see the male body naked...."

Though Ted Kennedy seemingly inherited the bimbo gene that afflicted the male members of his clan, I don't believe he ever offered up his daughter as recompense to campaign workers and party supporters. Or posed for Cosmo.

2 comments:

Skinny Dipper said...

Now, that's what I call a jock-strap!

fern hill said...

It's a very fancy tinny, innit?

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