DAMMIT JANET!

Hello, my dears. It is I, BLANCHE, coming to you this fine evening from the far side of the nation, where, right now, the western sky is streaked with shades of peach and apricot and the mountains look blue-black against a light pewtering sky. Street lights have come on..yes, we have streetlights...no sidewalks, mind you, but streetlights...

It is with no sense of shame at all I admit that for much of my loooooooong life I have enjoyed the cheesiest, sleasiest, silliest of "horror" flicks. Hey, they're better than what passes for "comedy". I have munched popcorn through several versions of the blob (Steve McQueen's was best!), and have seen various zombie incarnations. None quite as chilling as the one which is parading it's pallid self in front of the TV cameras in Ottawa these past couple'a days.

It had to be Icky , didn't it? When you've chosen a deliberate downward slide, then who else but Icky? Lord knows Chretien had his moments and his non moments, but then we had the frozen faced wotzisname, the guy with his own navy, the guy who so loved Canada he registered all his boats elsewhere. I thought they'd scraped the bottom of the barrel for him but no, down down down to Dion, poor little guy, just could not quite manage to believe a word he managed to say. And I did, I truly did think that was as low as they could go. I expected Bob Ray, or Rae, or however they spell it. Rae I think. I thought they'd get him, he might be a turncoat but at least he is sellable. Well, a bit, anyway. But no, firmly fixated on the downward slope they've gone for Icky. He stands there and before he says word one I'm in hysterics because I remember "The Night Of The Living Dead" and the zombie who lurched toward the camera growling "bring more brains". Well, yeah.

I gotta tellz ya, it's been a couple of weeks. My grrrrrrrrrrls have moved back to Tahsis and the glee has not even slowed, let alone stopped. In Tahsis they are within minutes of the municipal Rec Centre (those of us past a certain age refer to it as the Wreck Centre). These grrrrrrrls have barely dried out in time to join the K-3 class each day. Tomorrow is "dinner and a movie" and for minimal fee they get raw veggies with an assortment of dips, pizza (or hot dogs or...), a bag of popcorn and a drink, then get to sit together to watch a video provided free of charge by the people who operate the gas station (and video rental).

What do they care that the Liebrals chose Icky. They'll care even less when the newly elected mayor and council spring for a big screen on which to watch the latest Shrek. Penguins are big, too. And mice who cook wonderful meals.

Icky doesn't look as if he could cook a meal. He doesn't look as if he has eaten in weeks. How can a man with hair so black have skin so pale? Do they hang him upside down in the closet, like a bat? Or do they store him, head down, in the umbrella stand?

I have this suspicion Icky will do more to destroy the coalition than the other gob, the ever widening King stevie.

Down down down, just like in the old Alka Seltzer commercial. Or was it Bromo Seltzer. Down down down the stomach through, down down down it's good for you... but it isnt' good for any of us and relief isn't just a swallow away. We've got Icky. Or we've got Steve.

Talk about a choice between being fried and being boiled!! Wish the little firebrand who said that originally was still around.

Ah well. We shall pass this way but once so let us leave a wide swath in our wake. Or at least slice off a few heads. Never too many zombies and other assorted undead.