DAMMIT JANET! has learned that Monsanto International is currently in the process of seeking approval from Health Canada to proceed with the wide agricultural exploitation and industrial application of genetically modified garlic. Substances in this GMO would replace formaldyhyde and many other conservation and preservation agents in the food and funeral industry.
Corporate interests in Alberta are keen to obtain from Monsanto an exclusive agreement for a world-wide franchise for this product since it appears to flourish on land that has been ravaged by tarsands development.
As a result of this extraordinary scientific break-through, a Catholic Conservative MP has been quietly exploring how to correctly articulate the text of his private members bill. He hopes to set up:
a special committee of the House be appointed and directed to review the declaration in Section 182 of the Criminal Code of Canada which states that every one who neglects, without lawful excuse, to perform any duty that is imposed on him by law or that he undertakes with reference to the burial of a dead human body or human remains, or improperly or indecently interferes with or offers any indignity to a dead human bodyto answer the questions hereinafter set forth;
(i) what medical evidence exists to demonstrate that a woman is no longer able to give consent to sexual activity after death?,
(ii) is the preponderance of medical evidence consistent with the declaration in Section 183 that a female body is actually dead?,
(iii) what are the legal impact and consequences of Subsection 182 on the fundamental human rights of a Catholic husband to enjoy conjugal rights with his legal wife before and after the moment of complete death,?
(iv) what are the options available to Parliament in the exercise of its legislative authority in accordance with the availability of scientifically developed products and applications that extend or alter the definition of human life?
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If you consider this spoof to be over-the-top, please consider the rather interesting ideological positions and historical practices of the Catholic Church, with regard to allowing the desecration of people, post-life.
The cult of relics gave a reason for digging up, boiling and dismembering dead bodies, a practice that must have appealed to necrophiliacs, and perhaps other sexual deviants. Sometimes crowds would gather when a saint was known to be dying, ready to dismember him or her while still warm. Dismembered limbs of saints are still popular, and may be seen slowly decomposing in tens of thousands of churches around the world. Bodies are still occasionally dug up to remove fingers or limbs as relics, as happened for example to Eva Peron.
The idea for the above blogpost came from Godel Noodle who alerted me to this islamophobic nonsense.