Q: My husband said that while I was fast asleep one night he had intercourse with me. He thinks it’s acceptable since I’m his wife. I feel it’s almost the same as rape. It’s my right to go to sleep and know nothing will happen to me. I should be able to feel safe.
To do that without a person’s consent while they are unaware surely can’t be right. What do you think?
Curious
A: If having “sleep sex” with your husband feels so unsafe, you have bigger marital problems going on. This is what you should be dealing with, more than this one incident.
Let's clarify, shall we? In late 2011, non-consensual sex, once known as rape or sexual assault, is now 'sleep sex'.
Taking bets on a retraction/clarification from Ellie. . .
Oh look. There's her email address: ellie @ thestar.ca.
ADDED: Ellie didn't coin 'sleep sex'; she just misused it.
UPDATE: Ellie apologizes.
5 comments:
In Elie's tiny twisted mind, this is the wife's problem? Have we time travelled back to the 50's?
Well, it is Harperland®, after all.
I'd like to get to the part where one earner could support an entire family.
Shorter Ellie advice: "You should be thankful a man wants sex with you - and he was thoughtful enough not to wake you up!"
Seriously though, not only is Ellie MASSIVELY misusing the term "sleep sex", she appears to be unable to distinguish between communications problem couples have and sexual assault, which this woman experienced.
What a dud Ellie is, as an advice columnist. The Star should replace her with someone competent.
Here's a glass half-full sort of view: Maybe when Ellie wrote "you" she meant the plural "you" that could be replaced with "you and your husband"/"you two". One can hope.
In any event, whether a particular sexual act (fondling? hugging? kissing?) while a partner (male or female) is asleep is acceptable is irrelevant. The Supreme Court has ruled that it's always illegal and criminal even should explicit consent be given beforehand.
i wonder who actually wrote the apology?
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