Friday, 18 June 2010

Then they came for the trees ... (Updated)

The Integrated Security Unit is planning to clear-cut all trees (and presumably, MASSIVE shrubs too) from the RCMP-controlled zones during the G-20 in Toronto.

The trees could be ripped out of the ground by demonstrators “and then you’ve got a huge bar,” said Constable Wendy Drummond, a spokeswoman for the Integrated Security Unit. [...] Organizers would not say which trees or how many will be hauled away.

“If they’re removing any trees, it’s because they don’t want folks to jump over and launch things from above,” said local city councillor Adam Vaughan.

Mr. Calzavara says the thought that a sapling could be turned into a weapon is “outrageous.” “I would challenge the police to get a couple of burly officers and try to pull one of these trees out of the ground,” he said. “You’d need an axe to cut the thing down. And if you’ve already got an axe, you wouldn’t need a tree.”

Uh-oh. I predict that Mr Calzavara will be visited by the forces of public government order shortly and that all the sharp implements in his home will be confiscated. He might be even arrested for providing the terrists with instructions on weapons deployment.

The only sane response to this insanity is: "Pitchez la vache!"


Update from "No Stone Left Undisturbed" News.

More from Constable Drummond, spokesthingy for the Integrated Security Unit.
But it’s not all about keeping the trees from becoming projectiles, she said. “Trees in full bloom have obscure views and observation is key in a lot of our policing.”

Trees: gone. Next: rocks.
It beats super-gluing every stone to the ground. Summit security are having fences erected around Lake Shore Blvd. to enclose the piles of landscaping stones so the rocks can't be picked up during protests and used as projectiles -- you know, like a sapling can be.

We couldn't make up such idiocy. Tranna residents should thank Stevie and his New©™ Government for these experiential opportunities inspired by the surrealistic theatre of Beckett, Ionesco and Pinter.

Un grand merci to our reader and buddy k'in for the original headline and the source. She is a most appreciated contributor to this blog, in the comment section.

15 comments:

JimBobby said...

Okay, now I'm p*ssed off. How do they figger a protester can yank out a tree with his bare hands? One of the photos I've seen recently shows a brand new sidewalk installed for the g20 that inadvertently buried a fire hydrant up to its armpits. The fire hydrant being buried was the point of the photo but the sidewalk was constructed of interlocking brick pavers. A ten year-old of average strength could easily remove a paving stone and it would make a much better weapon than a tree.

If they think protesters are capable of pulling trees out of the ground, then they must be equally capable of pulling bricks from the walls of buildings. I reckon they oughta demolish all buildings inside the perimeter so's protesters don't start throwin' pieces of 'em at the g20 promise breakers.

Boris said...

Well, it's either paranoia run amok, head of the ISU is a bit of medievalist, and/or they need to justify their budget.

deBeauxOs said...

JimBobby - fire hydrants have armpits?

Oh oh oh ... that's why they've been buried so deeply - so the protesters won't have any leverage to yank them out and use them as battering rams against the walls of the Fortress of Stupitude that Stevie and his bullies have erected.

Toe said...

LMFAO!

Alison said...

These people have completely lost their marbles. WTF trees should be sacrosanct. It's not as if downtown Toronto is awash with them.

fern hill said...

I'm working on a book on Canadian film. Critic Geoff Pevere identified a quality in Canadian film as 'weirdness'. Methinks Canadian weirdness is becoming universal.

(Weird: i before e, except after c and weird.)

Niles said...

They can always rename Toronto "Isengard" and whoever came up with this brilliant plan "Saruman" because gosh darn, that decision is geeeeeenius worthy of the name.

James Bowie said...

This deserves the widest circulation.

Oemissions said...

Theatre of the Absurd.
Chuckles forever.!

Alison said...

Well, you know, the forests of Toronto might also be harbouring Robin Hood and his merry men.
I've heard tell they take from the rich and give to the poor or some such commie nonsense.

croghan27 said...

“Trees in full bloom have obscure views and observation is key in a lot of our policing.”

Policing my ass. We cannot let a few tree huggers obstruct the fields of fire of our snipers, now, can we?

Niles said...

Alison, you shouldn't jest. I've actually had that argument from a 'conservative' thinker. Very Damn Serious said thinker was too. And a Randian. Rob and his gang were murdering terrorists, but, worse, they were most guilty of wealth redistribution to the unworthy.

Same person had a loathing on for the Scarlet Pimpernel with his interfering in a foreign state's internal matter.

I also had another genius spout, as we watched the peaceful demonstrations in downtown Calgary from an office window ((during the "Kananaskis Summit" for the G8 in 2002, (which, incidentally, was held out in K-country *because* it was isolated)) that they should all be mowed down by the police. This was literally snarled out of a 20something club girl who adored Hello Kitty fashion.

I expect there are many with the same unthinking attitudes primed into them by the usual suspects this go-around. Sadly, it seems they're in government now.

k'in said...

Now they're taking away the booze as a "precautionary" measure:

http://www.torontosun.com/news/g20/2010/06/21/14465551.html

deBeauxOs said...

Okay, I get that the staff working at the LCBO located in the Union Station would find it challenging to get to work but why close the stores at Spadina/Baldwin and St Lawrence Mkt too?

It suggests the cops are assuming there will be looting and damage to private property - which there will be, if they've planned to set agents provocateurs among the demonstrators.

fern hill said...

Oh, it's pure idiocy. The LCBO is saying it's for the 'convenience' of their customers so they won't add to the congestion in the core. Like most people travel great distances to get to a booze store. Not.

The one on Spadina -- mine -- has no parking lot and serves the locals, including restaurants and a goodly number of street people. Often at the check-out, restaurant owners or managers are buying a few bottles of booze and giving their license number. Then they walk the couple of blocks or whatever back to their establishments.

So, now for three days, these people are going to have to hike over to Dundas and Yonge or up to Bloor or get in their cars and drive somewhere to stock up before the shindig begins.

Yeah, real convenience.

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