Who knew I'd need such commentary for games being held in Canada?
Wasn't that one of the weirdest experiences you've ever had? I wasn't going to watch and in fact watched not much -- I hadda keep leaving the room out of embarrassment, bewilderment, or to get another drink.
First, who the hell was that broad auditioning for 'American Idol' with the Canadian national anthem? I muted it, but that wasn't enough. Her squirming was driving me batshit insane.
I left the room. Got another drink.
And would it have been too much to expect that CTV provide English translation for that terribly obscure language -- French?
I could go on. But I'll spare you.
Just two more things. Well, two and a half.
Joni wasn't available to sing her own song? Nobody could find a recording of her singing it?
And while I love k.d. laing and she did a terrific job, did anyone read the lyrics before choosing her number?
For that matter, did anyone read the lyrics to 'Both Sides Now'?
Here's my last question: What the FUCK?
For your perusal -- and that of the ijits who choose the music -- here are said lyrics.
Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
'Both Sides Now'
Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.
I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.
Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.
I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.
Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.
ADDED: Salon snerks. Fun.
MORE: Heather Mallick enlightens the Brits.
For Canadians, the opening ceremonies in Vancouver on Friday were like watching your dad get drunk at a party. You love the guy, but my God, he isn't going to dance. In front of everyone. Look, he's taking off his jacket. As I live and die, what is he wearing? Awww, I love him. And so on.