1) A spotted dick.
2) A microscopic view of the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) in situ.
3) A greatly magnified view of those bits of Rush Limbaugh that he imagines threatened by the Satanic Scissors of Socialism.
But seriously folks. This latest insanity from a man who couldn't catch a view of his genitalia without a mirror, a flashlight and a block-and-tackle hoist is the convergence of 1) inflammatory lies about health care reform, 2) Birthers' loathsome hallucinations about Obama and 3) the Republicans' deepest fears regarding the loss of their political potency.
Limbaugh: You'll pry my foreskin from my cold, dead hands
If you had to whip up a too-good-to-be-true story for the right-wing pundit class to freak out over, what elements would you include? There would have to be, of course, an element of command-and-control socialist-fascist invasion and regulation of the most private parts of our lives, in the name of some spurious "common good." But that alone is a little pedestrian nowadays, so you'd want to add a nice dollop of male sexual neurosis to really kick it up a notch. Then add just a hint of racial fear and beat to a froth.
Bonus: It appears that the more rightwing Republicans unintentionally parody themselves, the more material they provide for The Onion to exploit - brilliantly, as always.