Tuesday, 28 February 2012


As with the cascade of revealing tweets from @Vikileaks30 and #TellVicEverything, people expressed healthy sarcasm to leaven the heavy, lumpen realization that the CONtempt Party lied, cheated and used illegal methods to "win" the last election. We call it rightfully Election Fraud.

When the CPC decided to throw a lowly flunkie under the bus, people were incredulous. A 23 year-old engineered a multi-riding scam all by himself - did he have the savvy, the authority and the budget to do that? C'mon!

So a Twitter game was launched, based on Clue, the board game which has set characters, locations, weapons. The point is to find who committed a murder. It's a game of logic and deduction, quite amusing actually.

The resolution comes when one player, confident that she or he knows the identity of the killer, declares: "It was Colonel Mustard in the study with the pistol."

This trope lent itself to a diverting exploration of "a CON committed a crime; where and how?" Here are some of the best responses I've gathered.

It was the entire CPC in the parlour bludgeoning the truth with a blunt object.

It was a ConBot in the #cdnpoli thread with a load of horseshit.

It was Jason Kenney, in the Library, with a samosa in hand.

It was Pierre Karl Péladeau with the Rupert Murdoch manual on how to create a network that reports fake news.

It was not Bev Oda, not smoking a cigarette, not rolling her eyes every time Poilievre opens his mouth. Not.

It was Vic Toews at the babysitter convention with a copy of Yeats' greatest pick up lines.

It was Bruce Carson in the water treatment plant with a monkey wrench.

It was Stephen Harper at the NAC with a tone-deaf version of "With a Little Help from My Friends".

It was Bernard Généreux in Kamouraska/Rivière-du-Loup with a deforestation project.

It was a call centre, in Montana, with ill-gotten voter lists.

It was James Moore with funding cuts to Canadian Theatres and Festivals.

It was Peter MacKay in the Conservatory joining the Reformers.

It was Leona Aglukkaq, in the restaurant, with 50 pounds of unlabelled Trans Fats.

It was Baird Clement and Flaherty in the kitchen with the Mike Harris cookbook.

It was Rob Nicholson in a brothel with unreported, I repeat UNREPORTED, criminals.

It was Jim Prentice at CIBC with the last laugh.

It was Doug Finley in the Senate with an In-and-Out scheme.

It was Bev Oda in an NGO's Office with a rope tied in NOTS.

It was David Emerson in the cabinet with the Olympic Torch.

It was Dimitri Soudas, at a meal with Port de Mtl board members, with the support of the PMO.

It was Brad Trost and Maurice Vellacott and Stephen Woodworth in the wombs of the nation with a Bible.

It was the National Citizens Coalition in the lobby, with the batshit.

It was Candice Hoeppner at a victims' rally shouting: "in your face!"

It was Stephen Harper, in the bathroom, with a tantrum.

It was Steven Blaney with a 'denied' rubber stamp inside a cone of silence.

It was Rona Ambrose in Copenhagen with a pipe line.

It was Joe Oliver in the #tarsands with a dead duck.

It was Diane Finley, in the retirement home, with a knife in the back to seniors.

It was that fool Preston Manning who opened the way for a more powerful, nastier Harper.

It was "Prof" Tom & "The Honourable" Doug with a $1M insurance policy, in Cadman's office.

It was Harper & McKay holding cement shoes & stuffing Richard Colvin into a big bag of lies.

It was us with apathy in the last election.

It was Stephen Harper in China with a "Canada For Sale" sign.

It was Tony Clement with his $50Million at the G8 in Muskoka.

It was Clement at the shredder with the long-form census & any semblance of evidence-based decisions.

It was Kellie Leitch in the oncology ward with a bag of asbestos.

It was Kenney at a fake citizenship ceremony with a recipe for curry in a hurry.

It was John Duncan in Attawapiskat with a third-party manager.

It was Peter Kent in Durban with a denial.

It was Helena Guergis in the PEI airport with her stiletto boots.

It was Gary Goodyear in the lab without a clue about evolution.

It was Rob Nicholson in Bad Cop Drag with his HardOnCrime bill.

It was Gerry Ritz in the House of Commons with Maple Leaf baloney.

It was Jim Flaherty in a hole with the largest deficit in Canadian history.

It was Peter Mackay in the Search & Rescue chopper using F-35 estimates as bait for fishing trip.

It was Trost in the kitchen with the turkey baster singing Every Sperm is Sacred with Vellacott on violin.

It was the Blogging Tories in their own words.

It was Diane Ablonczy in a Denny's with the unfounded allegations and lies about Jane Stewart.

It was Rob Anders in the House of Commons with a pillow.

It was Stephen Woodworth in the kitchen with the medical dictionary.

It was Julian Fantino in the cargo container with the sand and rocks.

It was Lisa Raitt in the limousine with the isotope.

It was Maxime Bernier in the cleavage with the classified documents.

It was Michael Sona on the grassy knoll with a cell phone reading from an old union handbook.

It was Peter Kent in the main hall with the large crock.

It was Jason Kenney in the vestibule with the unregistered squirt gun.

It was Ezra Levant in the bitumen with the ethical shovel.

Depending on the point of view, it almost reads like a list of reformaTory *accomplishments*.

There's much, much more on Twitter. Search the hashtag #CPCCluetheBoardGame.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The thing that bugged me today was Harper's "prove it" response in the House. All he sees is the opposition parties attacking him, not the Canadian people wanting answers. No leadership, no class.

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